although it may seem as if i’m making some progress, i can’t shake the thought of how she moved on into a new relationship so quickly. was it determined at an earlier time that they would be together? i don’t know why, but this seems so big to just pass it by. i mean, doesn’t it usually take a while for a person to get back into the swing of things? every time i think of meeting someone new, i just push myself back here. thinking of her. and beating myself, because i fucked up. it isn’t fair to drop this on her, but it isn’t clear as to what i am supposed to do now. and let alone, the fact that she is now with her best friend of many years. i feel i am losing my mind about this, but i can’t shake it. i miss her. but i guess this is what i get for not being all i could for her. i oddly feel like this part of my life relates to 500 days. of course she isn’t getting married, that i know. why is this so difficult? even if she knew all of the thoughts i have of her, it wouldn’t change a damn thing. she has moved the fuck on. and i need to as well, but i can’t. i’ve tried to let the answer come to me. but it’s as though i can’t grasp the entirety of it. why was it important to speak with me? why?